Zach's Gleecap: Mash-Up

We really got mixed messages on the virtues and vices of grape slurpees this week. For one, a slurpee to the face is the easiest way to get dethroned as WMHS’s most popular kid; all the could-be targets are wearing ponchos and raincoats with a rash of slurpee-tossing attacking the high school. But it’s also the easiest way to Rachel’s heart; spurred by a nocturnal vision he’s convinced came from God and not his hormones, Puck realized that it’s his destiny to hook up with Rachel “because we’re two hot Jews.”

Enter “Sweet Caroline,” Puck’s musical tribute to Neil Diamond and to Rachel, who won’t keep making out with him unless he’s brave enough to do a solo. It’s the most emotionally confusing number the show’s seen to date. Puck woos Rachel, and Finn realizes he still has feelings for Rachel, but at the same time Quinn’s won over by Puck’s vocal charm. The baby drama and the new love square (now 33% cooler than a love triangle) gets more tangled.

But alas, it’s not to be. Puck wants to choose football over glee, which he thinks makes him a bad Jew. After giving Puck a de-slurpee’ing scalp massage, Rachel’s hairdressing heart is broken. It looks like all the football kids are about to abandon glee, but the two nondescript glee singers ditch football practice before Puck finally decides to reunite with glee club; his motives aren’t totally pure, though, since we know he’s on a mission from God to get into Rachel’s pants.

Finn sticks with football. Ouch. What’s more painful is that Kurt “takes one for the team” by forcing Finn to toss a slurpee in his face. In the words of Tenacious D, that’s teamwork.

But the ill-fated Puckel (a Brangelina-style mash-up of Puck/Rachel) couple breaks up, recognizing that they’re really in love with Quinn/Finn, respectively, even though they know the dream couple won’t ever break up. Will tries to convince Finn to rejoin glee, and Finn gives us our feel-good moment of the week when he tells Coach Ken that he thinks it’s cool to play glee and football. He convinces Ken to go along with it; Ken acquiesces because he’d rather be doing laundry than coaching practices.

Boffo, Sue! We learned that Sue’s in favor of Prop. 15 – which would allow people to marry dogs. It’s such a brave stance that the local newsman asks her out for a romantic night of bread and cheese. Sue’s on Cloud Nine, launching into an unforgettable exuberant dance rendition of Benny Goodman’s “Sing Sing Sing” with her (former?) nemesis Will. Sue Sylvester is in love after an innuendo-laden game of “Battleship” with her anchorman beau.

But it’s not to be. Steely Sue gets another dose of ice in her heart when she finds out that Newsman Ron is canoodling with his co-anchor. So much for Nice Guy Sue; as Elton John once crooned, the bitch is back. She takes it out on Will by threatening him with an adopted kitty-cat and a punch in the face; Quinn feels the wrath of Spurned Sue when the icy coach fires the pregnant Cheerio.

Meanwhile, the other love triangle – Will/Emma/Ken – got mashed-up, literally. Will’s charged with coming up with a mash-up of “The Thong Song” and My Fair Lady’s “I Could Have Danced All Night.” Will regales us with “The Thong Song” but ends up falling on top of Emma during dance lessons, and Ken’s peeved. He becomes the new Sue, pitting football against glee. The boys have to choose between football or a life of slurpee-tossings. Meanwhile, the dancing lessons continue, with Emma crooning “I Could Have Danced All Night,” busting a move in her wedding dress with Will. Awkward close brushes with making out continue to ensue.

Will can’t get the songs to mash-up (Emma: “That’s because they don’t [go together]”) and has to accept defeat. Slow emotional exit from Emma’s office. But at least football and glee can mash-up. Slushee facial or no, the glee club is back together, uniting around the common practice of initiating Will into the slurpee-tossed crowd. After the shocking wardrobe change of Quinn (normal clothes!), Purple Will takes the cake for best visual of the week.

Verdict? Another solid episode from one of the most fun and inventive shows on television. “Mash-Up” keeps mixing fun and drama without feeling preachy or ridiculous (at least, not unduly so). I can’t wait for sectionals.