Zach's Nip/Tuck Procedure - "Benny Nilsson"

Christian’s coping with money issues ($457,000) and “Past Due” bills the only way he knows how – ladies. After hooking up with an IRS agent and finding that his bill won’t go away that easily, Christian has to find an alternative means of raising capital. Sean’s opposed to the idea of taking out risky equity on the business, but Christian reassures him that it’ll be okay – Sean offers an out-of-pocket loan. Nurse Linda comes in with shocking news – Sean’s brother Brendan (long thought dead) has turned up in his office.

Brendan isn’t exactly pleasant looking; he’s got all kinds of meth sores on his face, but he’s got Sean’s voice down pat. Turns out Brendan has been busy with handicrafts like underwater basket weaving (not joking); he wants to go straight and clean himself up, but he needs Sean’s help. Of course Sean wants to give him a help, despite Christian providing the voice of reason. Sean fixes up Brendan and feels good about himself.

Patient of the week Benny Nilsson is here because he wants to look more like his Swedish international banker father. (We did this plotline back in Season One with the Down syndrome boy who wanted to look like the rest of his family, remember?) The day of the Nilsson surgery, Sean announces he wants to bring Brendan home; Christian objects but eventually gives in. Papa Nilsson fears he pushed Benny to the surgery, but Christian reassures him. Knowing Nip/Tuck, this is going to go wrong really fast.

Christian keeps chiding Sean for trying to develop a “Wally and The Beaver” relationship with Brendan, but Sean insists it’s all going to be fine. When Christian’s watch goes missing, Sean refuses to believe that Brendan took it, but Christian vows to kick Brendan out in a week if he doesn’t get a job. The Nilsson surgery went off without a hitch, but something still feels wrong.

Christian finds another meth-head in the apartment, a friend of Brendan’s who’s looking for a bit of nasal repair. But Christian won’t fall for it, saying that his job is to keep Sean in check from being too sympathetic. Brendan tells Christian that he’s not leaving, so Christian throws him out. To Christian’s disapproval, Sean goes through with the new-nose procedure. After taking Benny surfing, Christian finds the kid sobbing hysterically in the restroom; the truth is that Benny’s stepfather has been using him as “entertainment” for his “rich and bored” business friends. Considering Christian’s troubled past with his own depraved stepfather, it’s no surprise that he feels a sense of kinship with Benny. Theme alert: “Real family doesn’t own you. They don’t abuse you... they take care of you.”

“Harvey No-Face” is caught with cocaine, which he claims Brendan provided; Brendan denies it, but Sean can’t believe him (really, who can?). Step-Papa Nilsson congratulates Christian on a job well done, but Christian snaps and roughs him up, extorting him for $400,000. Solid business proposal.

Brendan gives Sean a little statuette he carved – cupped hands. He’s checking out, he says, but Sean’s a total sap and invites him back in. But Christian’s on the phone, pressing charges against Brendan for the stolen goods – which Christian admits he intentionally placed out in the open. Finally Sean starts to come to his senses, and Christian keeps pushing Brendan on what he’s hiding. Brendan gets indignant and tries to storm out, but Sean stops him and looks at what he’s packed. The two tousle like fourth graders, but to everyone’s surprise the bag is devoid of any valuables. “You guys deserve each other,” Brendan says as he leaves in a huff. I think that’s actually the message of this entire series.

Christian offers to give Benny his old face back, but Benny declines. Christian does, however, give Benny the $400,000 he extorted from Step-Papa. He tries to tell Benny that his papa doesn’t love him, but Benny’s not convinced. Back at the homestead, Christian gets contemplative and recalls pawning some of his stuff – Brendan, it turns out, was innocent! But Christian’s not ready to confess just yet, Sean wonders aloud who his real family is, and we learn that Christian also forged Sean’s signature on a loan against the business. Greedy little stinker.

Verdict? Not as entertaining as last week’s episode, mostly because this week took a hard line on Christian’s depravity being a dangerous negative rather than a jesting quirk. I’m interested in Sean’s brother Brendan, mostly because I know we’ll never see him again. Will Christian’s fiscal trickery catch up with him? Do bad people ever get punished on this show? More importantly, is morality an irrelevant concept in the world of Nip/Tuck? Most importantly of all, when the deuce will we find out what happened to Matt??