Nic Cage watches The Wicker Man

The Rewatch Begins

Hey, folks - Zach here. As one half of The Top Pop Stop, I'll be keeping you posted over Christmas break with the long-promised LOST Rewatch. It's all happening over at http://forthe815thtime.blogspot.com/.

No, I haven't actually watched the show 815 times, but it sure feels like it. Make sure you're checking that site regularly; I'll post here with links after I finish every season just in case you need a reminder. I'm shooting for two episodes a day, since there are less than 50 days until the big premiere Feb. 2, 2010!

I'll be giving brief recaps and reviews for each episode from "Pilot" all the way to "The Incident." Along the way, I'll introduce you to the characters who appear, but what's more important will be the "What we learned" section, which keep track of the mythology of the show; "Questions" will delve into the new mysteries introduced (for answers, make sure to read the "What we learned" segments); and "Things that are going to be important in Season Six" ... well, that one kind of explains itself.

So join me on forthe815thtime.blogspot.com for all your LOST rewatch needs - feel free to play along with the comments section, too!

Guess that Hairdo!

Did you miss your Top Pop Stop fix today? While we're on hiatus until January, why not take the Nic Cage Hairstyle Quiz? If you've been paying attention, this should be a breeze...

Zach's Nip/Tuck Procedure - "Benny Nilsson"

Christian’s coping with money issues ($457,000) and “Past Due” bills the only way he knows how – ladies. After hooking up with an IRS agent and finding that his bill won’t go away that easily, Christian has to find an alternative means of raising capital. Sean’s opposed to the idea of taking out risky equity on the business, but Christian reassures him that it’ll be okay – Sean offers an out-of-pocket loan. Nurse Linda comes in with shocking news – Sean’s brother Brendan (long thought dead) has turned up in his office.

Brendan isn’t exactly pleasant looking; he’s got all kinds of meth sores on his face, but he’s got Sean’s voice down pat. Turns out Brendan has been busy with handicrafts like underwater basket weaving (not joking); he wants to go straight and clean himself up, but he needs Sean’s help. Of course Sean wants to give him a help, despite Christian providing the voice of reason. Sean fixes up Brendan and feels good about himself.

Patient of the week Benny Nilsson is here because he wants to look more like his Swedish international banker father. (We did this plotline back in Season One with the Down syndrome boy who wanted to look like the rest of his family, remember?) The day of the Nilsson surgery, Sean announces he wants to bring Brendan home; Christian objects but eventually gives in. Papa Nilsson fears he pushed Benny to the surgery, but Christian reassures him. Knowing Nip/Tuck, this is going to go wrong really fast.

Christian keeps chiding Sean for trying to develop a “Wally and The Beaver” relationship with Brendan, but Sean insists it’s all going to be fine. When Christian’s watch goes missing, Sean refuses to believe that Brendan took it, but Christian vows to kick Brendan out in a week if he doesn’t get a job. The Nilsson surgery went off without a hitch, but something still feels wrong.

Christian finds another meth-head in the apartment, a friend of Brendan’s who’s looking for a bit of nasal repair. But Christian won’t fall for it, saying that his job is to keep Sean in check from being too sympathetic. Brendan tells Christian that he’s not leaving, so Christian throws him out. To Christian’s disapproval, Sean goes through with the new-nose procedure. After taking Benny surfing, Christian finds the kid sobbing hysterically in the restroom; the truth is that Benny’s stepfather has been using him as “entertainment” for his “rich and bored” business friends. Considering Christian’s troubled past with his own depraved stepfather, it’s no surprise that he feels a sense of kinship with Benny. Theme alert: “Real family doesn’t own you. They don’t abuse you... they take care of you.”

“Harvey No-Face” is caught with cocaine, which he claims Brendan provided; Brendan denies it, but Sean can’t believe him (really, who can?). Step-Papa Nilsson congratulates Christian on a job well done, but Christian snaps and roughs him up, extorting him for $400,000. Solid business proposal.

Brendan gives Sean a little statuette he carved – cupped hands. He’s checking out, he says, but Sean’s a total sap and invites him back in. But Christian’s on the phone, pressing charges against Brendan for the stolen goods – which Christian admits he intentionally placed out in the open. Finally Sean starts to come to his senses, and Christian keeps pushing Brendan on what he’s hiding. Brendan gets indignant and tries to storm out, but Sean stops him and looks at what he’s packed. The two tousle like fourth graders, but to everyone’s surprise the bag is devoid of any valuables. “You guys deserve each other,” Brendan says as he leaves in a huff. I think that’s actually the message of this entire series.

Christian offers to give Benny his old face back, but Benny declines. Christian does, however, give Benny the $400,000 he extorted from Step-Papa. He tries to tell Benny that his papa doesn’t love him, but Benny’s not convinced. Back at the homestead, Christian gets contemplative and recalls pawning some of his stuff – Brendan, it turns out, was innocent! But Christian’s not ready to confess just yet, Sean wonders aloud who his real family is, and we learn that Christian also forged Sean’s signature on a loan against the business. Greedy little stinker.

Verdict? Not as entertaining as last week’s episode, mostly because this week took a hard line on Christian’s depravity being a dangerous negative rather than a jesting quirk. I’m interested in Sean’s brother Brendan, mostly because I know we’ll never see him again. Will Christian’s fiscal trickery catch up with him? Do bad people ever get punished on this show? More importantly, is morality an irrelevant concept in the world of Nip/Tuck? Most importantly of all, when the deuce will we find out what happened to Matt??

Zach's Nip/Tuck Procedure - "Lola Wlodkowski"

Cute couple of the week Tracy and Skip wants to be just like Barbie and Ken so that they can dedicate themselves to a life of commitment without the burden of “ownership and exclusivity” that comes with a sexual relationship – so nipple removal is the odd surgery on the docket. After all, Barbie and Ken stayed married for 50 years. I mean, I guess this makes sense – for Nip/Tuck, that is.

Creepy delivery girl gives a box to Sean, but it turns out that she’s a run-of-the-mill strippergram sent by Christian to help Sean get his head in the game. Of course, his 2:00 appointment arrives in the middle of the lap dance, and things go downhill. Nurse Linda gets in her frown-of-the-week., and Christian confesses that she wasn’t a stripper – “she’s a hooker.” Sean bemoans his relationship woes, but Christian’s his classic nonchalant self, even when Kimber asks if she’s gained weight.

Liz brings her chubby friend Lola Wlodkowski to the office; turns out she and Lola met up at a nudist colony, and Liz got concerned about Lola’s moles. Christian turns it into a discussion about additional liposuction, Liz gets offended, but Lola declines the offer, instead inviting Christian to the nudist colony. Ten to one he hops into bed with her.

Via a cute montage set to the tango music I love on this show, Sean starts to learn from his patient that life isn’t all about sex, while Lola keeps trying to seduce Christian, who admits that he’s only interested in shallow and superficial girls. Cut to a shot of Christian having sex with Lola; apparently he’s never heard of medical ethics or conflicts of interest. The surgery goes through, and Christian realizes that his superficiality didn’t get to Lola. Liz lets him know that Kimber is expecting a “monogamous Ken and Barbie sunset.”

After Christian confesses the Lola affair to Kimber, she says she’s going to let herself go; Christian has a vision of what fat Kimber would be like, and he’s certainly not pleased. While operating on Surgical Patient Tracy, Sean has a less than ideal black-and-white vision of a TV Land version of what a sexless life would be like – sleeping in separate beds like Lucy and Desi, and all that. Christian tells Lola that, despite their indiscretion, he’s happy being shallow, but Lola admits that sometimes she’s not always happy being herself. She asks what kind of surgeries she’d need.

Sean and Tracy have a heart-to-heart in which Sean accuses Tracy of denying intimacy in order to make life easy. Tracy lunges in for a kiss. Here’s a thought – a Nip/Tuck drinking game: take a shot every time one of the doctors does something unethical. And Liz accuses Christian of breaking Lola’s will and walks out of the surgical suite just as several fat men walk into the office – totally starkers – to rescue Lola from losing her identity.

Lola’s biopsy comes back positive for skin cancer, but Christian tells her that she can come back – “I did.” Lola plasters a smile on and jokes about losing weight from the chemo, but Christian gets serious and tells her not to have self-esteem problems. Meanwhile, Kimber’s busy being bulimic, which Christian finds “pathetic.” Indignant, Christian tells her he won’t stand for it, but Kimber confesses she hates herself almost as much as Christian hates her, which “feels right.” The most dysfunctional couple on television, it turns out, hate themselves and each other; is it too much to hope for a happy ending for these two?

Sean makes nice with his previous 2:00, but Skip drops by to say that he’s actually happy with the whole Sean/Tracy affair – since it helped him admit that he’s gay. He introduces his boyfriend G.I. Joe (I’m not joking, folks). Sean brings a date (the strippergram) back to his place, only to find Kimber and Tracy strutting around in their knickers; to no surprise, Christian is responsible for all of this – “two Barbies are better than one.” Another normal day in the life of Nip/Tuck.

Verdict? A pretty solid episode this week, thanks in part to some strong characterization between Sean and Christian. What I love about these two is they’re not as different as they pretend they are, and it’s episodes like this that really bring that out. Juggling quirky humor with personal drama successfully, this episode was a nice change of pace from the Matt drama the past few weeks, although I confess that handling cliffhangers like the one from “Alexis Stone II” aren’t Nip/Tuck’s strong suit (nary a mention of Matt this week). As we wind down the series, it’s feeling like Nip/Tuck is going to finish strong.

Zach's Gleecap - Sectionals

Mid-season finale, folks, and we made it all the way to sectionals. With emotions high, let’s hope that the talent is higher.

Suspicions mount that something may be up with Quinn and Puck. Rachel claims she’s slightly psychic about all this, but everyone seems to know except for Rachel. The team agrees not to say anything to Finn until after sectionals.

Emma’s pushed her wedding back “so it doesn’t happen in broad daylight” – now she can be the glee club advisor for sectionals, but Ken doesn’t seem to understand. Sparks fly between Will & Emma. Rachel sows some seeds of doubt in Quinn’s mind, and Will introduces the club to their new sponsor. Mercedes sings that Jennifer Hudson song, and everyone but Rachel is thrilled (seems like this episode should have been titled “Everyone But Rachel”). But Rachel doesn’t play the bitch card, and she lets Mercedes do the number.

Finn voices concern about the end of the approaching end of the season, and Rachel suddenly spills the beans on what we can only assume is the whole baby drama – we’ll have to wait until after the commercial break to find out. When we get back, Finn’s roughing up Puck, demanding the truth. Continuing the show’s streak of men yelling at women who are lying about pregnancy, Finn rages, Quinn cries, and Finn quits. Rachel feels awkward and tries to apologize to Quinn, telling her that she wanted to be with Finn, but Quinn reminds her that “now neither one of us can have him.” Puck pops in and says he’ll be there, but Quinn says he’s too stressful and declares she “want[s] to do this alone.”

It turns out they got that wheelchair-capable bus, and they’re replacing Finn with Creepy Jewish Jacob the Reporter, who no one really wants to sing. The bus leaves without Will or Finn. The positive mojo at the convention center crashes and burns when the juvie school does all of New Directions’ numbers. Will confronts Sue on the leaked set list, and she gloats over the imminent fall of the glee club, reminding us why she’s one of the best villain on television. “Bring it on, William.”

Will pays Finn a visit, and all that investment in character the show’s been doing starts to pay off. Will tells Finn that “you can’t always get what you want” – I think I know what song they’re going to do… Suspiciously, Will leaves his keys with Finn. Meanwhile, Emma corners the advisors for the other glee clubs, but no one’s ashamed of what they did – even accusing Emma of “deaf racism.” In the green room, Brittany confesses she leaked the set list to Sue, but we’re more upset about what’s going to happen when New Directions takes the stage. Rejecting Artie’s proposition for some “def poetry jams,” Rachel gets voted to sing the ballad, while Quinn puts up “Somebody to Love.” Finn arrives just in time, giving the kids a new song and saying, “We’re best when we’re loose.” (Is that a crack at Quinn?) Realizing that he’s not going to get into Rachel’s pants, Jacob relinquishes his spot back to Finn.

Rachel lets loose with the appropriate-if-unsubtle “Don’t Rain on My Parade,” and Will – who must have the greatest reception in the world – listens via cell phone to the knockout improv’d performance. Is anyone clear on the rules of glee performance? As awesome as Rachel might be, just how many solo numbers is a club allowed? And how many spare wardrobes does the average club bring? – New Directions seems to have 15. When they start belting out “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” The Rolling Stones never sounded so whitebread, but the performance is pitch-perfect as always. Quick cuts into the audience let us know that the other schools’ coaches are miffed: the audience are on their feet, and for good reason.

The judges deliberate, but none of them really seems to know what they’re doing: a Miss Ohio runner-up, news anchor Rod Remington, and a “state paid cynic” can’t seem to agree on anything. Just as the JD coach wants to come clean, Rod Remington emerges from the deliberation room with Miss Ohio’s e-mail address and a selected winner.

Will and Terri have an awkward moment in which Will says he’s going to the Kenma (Ken and Emma) wedding while Terri confesses she’s seeing a therapist. But Will can’t come around so quickly and leaves for the wedding. But the reception isn’t great news – Ken dumps Emma after she goes to sectionals, and Emma confesses she did it all for Will. Worse, Emma’s resigning because it’s going to be too awkward. But Will stops her, probably because he’s dying to know who won sectionals.

Instead of insisting (as always) that “my hands are tied,” Figgins calls Will and Sue for a meeting, revealing that “There’s an orgy of evidence” against Sue for selling the set list to the other schools. Figgins removes Sue from coaching Cheerios for besmirching the name of William McKinley – “the greatest president who ever lived.” The triumph is short-lived when Sue vows to return “hell-bent on [Will’s] destruction… destination Horror.”

Finn shows Will the trophy – they won! But it’s not over; there are regionals to go through, but first New Directions has a special number to perform for Will: something about belonging together and sticking together and togetherness unheard of since High School Musical 3. Will charges after Emma, but is it too late? Of course not – it’s the happy ending we’ve all been waiting for.

Verdict? This episode made it terribly obvious that the show was only intended to be a thirteen-episode miniseries. This might be one of the most satisfying finales I’ve seen in my life, even if nothing too unpredictable happened. With every plotline wrapped up, the show’s ready to head in some new directions (pun intended).

I’m curious where the show goes next, though. I mean, obviously regionals are the next step, but how many of our favorites are coming back? There doesn’t seem to be a place for Ken, Terri, or (worst of all) Sue. Is the Finnchel (Finn/Rachel) romance inevitable? How much longer will Quinn keep doing things her own way without anyone’s help? (More importantly, where’s she going to stay?) I’m eager for the return of “Glee” in April, but I’m ultra curious about how it’s going to sustain itself.

If nothing else, Brittany the educationally underprivileged cheerleader stole the show.

Mysteries of Lost - Desmond

Previously on LOST: After managing to escape the Island and the Hatch where he had lived for years, Desmond reconnected with Penny, had a son named Charlie, and was suddenly attacked by Ben, who wanted revenge on Widmore. Desmond had been told by Ms. Hawking (Dan's mother) that "The Island is not done with you."

One of these things is not like the other: Ben, Desmond, Penny, Mrs. Hawking. Lilia guessed Ben and won a ballpoint pen for her troubles - Ben's the only one still on the island.

We're so not sure what to make of Desmond. Perhaps he'll be stranded on the island if the bomb makes it so that Flight 815 never crashes, but Lilia thinks that maybe Desmond might become the new Jacob - the voice of the island - since he always does what he's told.

Don't forget that LOST returns Tuesday, Feb. 2, at 8:00 p.m. on ABC!

Oscar Contenders?

Now that the Oscars are putting 10 pictures up for Best Picture, Moviefone has a few predictions for who will be leading the field.

Visit http://www.moviefone.com/oscars-academy-awards/features/oscar-predictions for all the details. Do you agree? Let us know!

How'd It Get Burned This Week - Dec. 7, 2009

More good news piling in for Nic this week!

IO9 has your first official look at Nic in Jerry Bruckheimer's "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." Wow... I thought his hair was bad before.

While we're talking about Bruckheimer, IESB asked him point-blank - why do you work with Nic Cage? His answer - "I think Nicolas Cage is great because he's such a good actor and he's such a good guy. He's very creative. You always want a partner who makes you look better - and he makes me look good." Click the link for the full interview, which includes details about the future of the National Treasure franchise.

In "how is this real life" news, Waleg.com reports that the UN has named Nic Cage "Global Citizen of the Year." In addition to being a goodwill ambassador for the UN's Office on Drug and Crime, Nic was adopted by Angelina Jolie, another great citizen of the world.

And Entertainment Weekly continues the controversial analysis of Nic's hair by asking "Does it wear him?" Best prose ever: "To me, it’s no coincidence that Cage, after the triumph of Leaving Las Vegas, began to star in dumb-whore action films at the same moment that he first sported his sleekly flowing, industrial-strength “cool” hair." Click the link for the full fantastic hysterical article.

Weekend Watch - Dec. 11, 2009

This weekend, Disney makes money and Morgan Freeman phones in an Oscar performance.

The Princess and the Frog - Disney reworks "The Frog Princess" into a story about New Orleans. This is Disney's first African-American princess in their canon, and despite a few minorly offensive stereotypes in the trailer, Oprah Winfrey's on board. Look out, Twilight - Disney's gonna make a buttload of money this week.

Invictus - Clint Eastwood. Morgan Freeman plays Nelson Mandela. Can we just give them Oscars already?

The Lovely Bones - Peter Jackson directs the book adaptation about a girl in heaven looking down on the aftermath of a grisly murder - her own. Oscar contender, for sure.

And rumor has it that Me & Orson Welles, starring Zac Efron (swoon away, ladies), may be opening wide this week. Will we at Valpo be among the lucky? We'll see...

Tops at the Box Office - Weekend of Dec. 4, 2009

1. The Blind Side
2. The Twilight Saga: New Moon
3. Brothers (first weekend)
4. A Christmas Carol
5. Old Dogs
6. Armored (first weekend)
7. 2012
8. Ninja Assassin
9. Planet 51
10. Everybody's Fine (first weekend)
    

Heroes Headlines: Hope!

It's alliteration station over here at The Top Pop Stop - Heroes Spoilers (don't worry; no actual spoilers on the link) is reporting that Season Five might actually be happening, albeit without Nathan (no surprise after last week's episode) or Mohinder (is he even still on this show?).

Check out the link for the full story - it'll tide you over until Heroes returns in January!

Zach's Heroes Watch - "The Fifth Stage"

Previously on Heroes: Noah might be dating his old partner, Nylar – now Sylar – isn’t quite so dead, Claire and Gretchen go on the strangest road trip ever, while Samuel’s about to get all evil up in this show.

Lydia tells Samuel that she won’t spill the beans on him, and Samuel muses about hope and extinction. With Edgar gone, Samuel hires Eli the Multiple Man to be his right-hand man and take out Noah. Noah’s been trying to piece together all this business about Samuel and the compass, but he’s put on hold when Lauren drops by to pick him up for their movie night – which it turns out is actually a date. She’s intrigued by his bulletin board of super stuff, but Noah frets over the lost compass and tracks Claire with Lauren’s help. You can do that with Google Maps? Noah reveals that he’s been after the carnival for years, and Lauren gets to give the “Lying is how we live” speech that characters on this show give about every other episode.

Emotional moment: Noah bums us all out with a speech about how he’s driven everyone away, referencing the mindwipe flashback a few episodes ago. Lauren feels conflicted about this, and Multiple Man shows up. Noah uses every gun he’s ever hidden in the apartment, but Multiple Man disappears with the Primatech box of files. Noah’s pissed like Liam Neeson in Taken.

Claire and Gretchen have made their way to the carnival, the “freak show” Claire’s always felt she belonged to. Gretchen gets all cutesy about Claire being her guardian and tells Claire that she has to check out her options. Samuel’s pleased she’s visited, though, and tells her not to be scared, giving her free tickets. Samuel says he’s trying to find a more permanent way to live. He gives the girls some popcorn and tells them to explore the carnival and meet the family.

Lydia gets naked (which seems to be her superpower at this point), Gretchen gets excited, and Claire gets her fortune told – it’s all ambiguous and maybe she’s meant to be here. Claire thinks she might have a great time at the carnival as “the girl who gets sawed in half every night,” which might actually be a fun job. Somehow Samuel knows that the ladies are out of popcorn and invites them backstage for storytime with the kids. Gretchen voices concern about exploiting abilities, but Claire’s cool with it; she’s even cool with Doyle the Puppetman showing up and giving her a big hug.

After a little tiff with Overprotective Gretchen, Claire gets drafted for storytime and tells a sentimental “Once upon a time” about a frog who’s a thinly veiled version of herself. Samuel tells Gretchen that all his carnival wants to give Claire is love. Claire’s frog story ends “happily ever after,” and one of the carny kids gives Claire a hug; “they love you,” Samuel says, but when a disgruntled customer storms backstage and attacks Samuel, Claire steps in for the rescue. Samuel smiles maliciously, almost as if he planned all this.

Samuel says that life is about choices, telling Claire that he could have defended himself but didn’t want to harm the outside world. He tells her that “we can be more... we can be bigger” if they just band together and help each other, inviting her to stay for a few days and do some soul-searching. Claire tells Gretchen that she’s going to do just that; surprisingly, Gretchen understands the whole “being accepted” thing. Samuel promises Lydia he’s going to make things right, strangely suggesting that it’s not Claire he’s after. Meanwhile, the disgruntled customer is dead.

Angela visits Peter and tells him to get into the “acceptance” stage of grief. But Peter insists that Nathan’s not quite dead, and he borrows The Haitian’s power (I’m still not going to call him Rene) in order to “settle for revenge” with Sylar. Little does Peter know that Sylar’s in disguise, attacking him in the elevator and picking a fight in the basement of the hospital. Little does Sylar know that his powers don’t work right now. Actual fisticuffs ensue until Peter reaches for the nail gun, but Sylar just keeps laughing.

Peter tries erasing Sylar’s memories from the Nylar thing in front of him, and Nathan emerges, which makes the whole nail gun thing really awkward. Now-Nathan says he’s tired, and he doesn’t think he can handle Sylar much longer. Peter tells him he needs air and takes him to the roof, where they reminisce about Season One and about denial. Nathan says he can’t keep fighting Sylar and throws himself off the roof – the second time someone’s tried to kill Sylar by killing himself. Peter gets all weepy, but at the last second, Sylar gets up and walks away. Blast, it was all a trick!

Samuel gets the closing monologue – “How long can we live like this?” he asks, saying that they need to stop running and offer a home to people with abilities. At Joseph’s grave, Samuel says that he’s going to take up roots once he’s gathered the rest of the heroes. Is he so evil after all?

Verdict? I remember being a bit hesitant about the idea of the carnival, and I may have even called it a hokey plot device, but I’m glad that Heroes is proving me wrong (probably the only time I’ve ever said that about this show). I continue to be in love with Robert Knepper, who’s still keeping me guessing on Samuel. Part of that is to his credit, but part of the credit has to go to the writers; this is the mark of a good villain, that we keep empathizing with him and wanting him to do the right thing for the right reasons. My sole disappointment is that we only got a sneak peek at what Hiro’s up to; the “Beam me up, Scotty!” cliffhanger has left me guessing.

Zach's Gleecap - "Mattress"

With the 50th yearbook coming out and the Emma/Ken wedding a week away, Will realizes there’s a scheduling conflict with the wedding overlapping sectionals. Ken’s trying to slim down, Emma feels bad about missing sectionals, and Sue’s gone in for a little eyelift and tear-duct removal. She’s gone even more diabolical and gotten the glee club eliminated from the yearbook, maintaining her superiority complex and repeatedly doubting that the club can take sectionals.

With the threat of swirlies and “patriotic wedgies” looming over their heads, Kurt convinces the glee club that a yearbook entry would do more harm than good, but Will vows to fight for a photo in spite of The Principal’s insistence that he’s “doing them a solid.” Figgins compromises – for $1,000. Rachel’s cheery because she’s trying to get in as many yearbook photos as possible so as to better prepare for a life of being stalked by the paparazzi, but Quinn is upset that she’s losing her identity and decides to sneak into the Cheerios yearbook photo.

Will wants to buy out Figgins; his fake-pregnant wife disagrees, but Will goes ahead with it. Rachel invents a new club, the GayLesbAl (“Gay Lesbian Alliance”) in order to become the most involved student on campus; Kurt scoffs, and Rachel dreams of winning the vote for “Team Captain” to appear in the two-person photo. Rachel wins the vote singlehandedly, mostly because the kids don’t want to get vandalized. Will’s worried about this and about his fear that Ken scheduled the wedding over sectionals on purpose. But Emma says she’s in love with Ken, despite his “74 flaws as of yesterday.” Continuing Glee’s reign of hyperbole, new captain Rachel has 65 proposals and gets talked into recruiting a co-captain: Finn.

To get ready for the photo, Rachel serenades Finn with “Smile,” making me wonder who the piano player is and why he’s kind of creepy. The song gets a little too flirty, but when Finn finds out that he’s about to become the target of yearbook vandalization, he backs out and leaves Rachel on her own. It turns out to be serendipitous, because the cameraman is shooting a mattress commercial and Rachel can cry on demand. “Except for nudity and the exploitation of animals, I’ll do anything to break into the business!” The glee club is surprisingly ecstatic, mostly because they’re going to be stars and “nobody defaces pictures of celebrities.”

“Mattresses aren’t just for sleeping and fornicating anymore,” says the mattress man, who’s receptive to the idea of a singing commercial. There’s no way that they can sing so well while performing all these mattress acrobatics, but we’ll suspend disbelief, just hum along, and giggle at how Quinn is on a mattress with Kurt – a match made only in Mattress Land. But get ready for Glee to rock your socks off – Will finds the pregnancy padding Terri’s been wearing and confronts her about it. There’s an intense O’Neill-esque battle of the wills in the kitchen in which all is confessed. This pregnancy plot has been funny all season, but the laughter dies when Will walks out.

Luckily the glee room is filled with comped mattresses. In Sue’s Corner, Sue wants a holiday forcing “fatties and uglies” to stay indoors the Friday after Christmas, but she’s miffed when she sees the commercial. “Sue is right – the glee club has indeed stepped in it,” Figgins groans, because glee club contestants aren’t allowed to participate in professional activity. When Will admits that he’s thinking of leaving Terri, it’s not enough to change Figgins’s mind. “It’s over!” Sue calls.

“VICTORY,” Sue writes in her diary, but Quinn rains on her parade when she extorts Sue for a spot on the squad and in the yearbook photo – and for a glee club page. Emma tells Will he needs to sort out his own life before he solves glee’s problems, confessing that she understands where Terri was coming from. Since he slept on the mattress, Will is forced out of coaching glee, and he tells the kids to go take their picture – cue Charlie Chaplin’s “Smile,” telling us that maybe everything’s going to turn out all right.

Verdict? Glee’s darkest hour. With only one more week left in this half-season, it’s difficult to see how this is all going to turn out okay in the end, but at least some of the biggest secrets are coming out. While this episode didn’t quite live up to the hype that some of my friends who (to paraphrase Bill O’Reilly) watched it live, “Mattress” was still pretty intense. But, with the exception of Sue’s scenes, it didn’t quite feel like an episode of Glee. Perhaps next week – Glee’s curtain call until April – will see a return to form such as we know and love.

Mysteries of Lost: Bram and Ilana

Previously on LOST: There are these two mysterious people running around - Bram and Ilana. They're not on Widmore's side, since Bram tried to stop Miles from signing on, but they're not quite with the Losties, either, since Ilana "arrested" Sayid and brought him on the plane. They know the answer to the question "What lies in the shadow of the statue?" - and so does Richard. So whose side are they on? And what will they have to do in the final season?

One of these things is not like the other: Miles, Frank, Richard, Sawyer. Lilia guessed Richard - right, but not for the right reason (Richard is the only one who knows the answer to the riddle).

In light of recently leaked news that Ilana is Jacob's kid, we agreed that Bram & Ilana are on Jacob's side, which jives with Ilana's mysterious hospital visit from Jacob. We also agreed that they probably know more about the Island than they let on - they know about the Nemesis and probably about the powers of Flight 316. We'll for sure be seeing more of them this coming season.

How'd It Get Burned This Week? (Nov. 30, 2009)

Good news, bad news, and we-don't-believe-it news for Nic Cage this week.

MTV brings some good news - Nic Cage is doing National Treasure 3!!! Yay, maybe now he won't have to sell his house. Perhaps the aforementioned treasure in this film will be a dinosaur skull.

Moviefone keeps the good news train rolling with a report that Nic Cage saved Christmas in Bath. We really don't have any punchlines for this one, except he did sell a house in Bath already.

Hollywood nice-guy Johnny Depp is reportedly helping out Nic Cage with his financial woes, but George Clooney tells DNA India that he wouldn't be caught dead giving money to He of the Big Forehead. Good for you, George, take a stand.

Moviefone makes its second appearance in HIGB this week with a list of Nic Cage movies that don't suck. Of 65 films listed on IMDb, Moviefone claims that 10 don't suck. Of these ten, Lilia's only heard of three of them. Of these three, Zach has seen two. Of these two, Zach says only one is really good. These are not good odds for Nic.

And that's how it got burned this week!

Weekend Watch - Dec. 4, 2009

Oh, goodness. That's really all we can say.

Armored - Directed by the aptly named Nimrod Antal, this is the story of armored truck drivers who fake a heist and split the rewards - until things go wrong. We feel like we have seen this movie before...

Brothers- The Jake Gyllenhaal, Tobey Maguire, Natalie Portman vehicle about a POW who comes back to the States to find his brother living with his wife. This movie is basically begging for an Oscar nod. Zach thinks that he has seen the whole movie in the trailers, Lilia thinks this is going to be a great movie that sucks out all your emotion.

Everybody's Fine- It's a Robert De Niro Christmas movie. Do we really need to say more?

Transylmania- This National Lampoon flick was originally titled Dorm Daze 3. Another chest and death movie with some innuendos thrown in. Don't even waste your time...

Tops at the Box Office - Weekend of Nov. 27, 2009

Welcome back from Turkey Break, everyone!

1. The Twilight Saga: New Moon
2. The Blind Side
3. 2012
4. Old Dogs (first weekend)
5. A Christmas Carol
6. Ninja Assassin (first weekend)
7. Planet 51
8. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
9. Fantastic Mr. Fox
10. The Men Who Stare at Goats
    

Zach's Nip/Tuck Procedure - "Alexis Stone, Parts I & II"

It’s a special double-dose of your “Nip/Tuck” procedure here at The Top Pop Stop, with a two-part episode that

Suicidal Sean gets the tables turned on him when Julia’s mother Erica Naughton (Vanessa Redgrave, who it turns out didn’t die back in Season Three) asks him to “Tell me what you don’t like about yourself.” But Sean insists he wasn’t trying to kill himself – he was just going for a swim. After Erica rattles off a litany of troubles plaguing Sean (just from this season alone), he admits he’s a little bummed but says he’s changed his mind. Erica, though, won’t authorize his release from the psych ward.

Mario Lopez (if his character has a name, I refuse to learn it) tells Christian he wants to ask Kimber to marry him. Christian says he doesn’t care, but when he fires Mario Lopez we know he’s still peeved. Christian bails Sean out, telling the doctors that Sean has aspirations to swim the English Channel, and he invites his buddy out for drinks, promising to kill Sean if he ever tries to commit suicide again. At the bar, Christian meets Alexis, bartender and patient-of-the-fortnight, confiding all the gritty details about Kimber. Alexis wants to help, so she hops into bed with Christian – he never could say no to that brand of therapy. Oddly enough, Alexis kicks Christian out when they’re all done.

Erica reveals that she wants custody over the kids, but Julia tries to placate her by saying that she recognizes Sean isn’t a good environment for the little ones. Meanwhile Erica visits Matt in prison, telling him that he needs to find a protector in the joint. Matt reveals that he doesn’t want his parents seeing him like this, but Erica tells him to stand up, be a man, and help her get custody. At the office, Liz tries to make nice with Christian, who initially doesn’t want any part of it but who eventually discloses everything about Alexis. But Liz declares she doesn’t want to hear any of that as Sean storms in, miffed about the custody proceedings. Sean continues by insisting that Christian re-hire Mario Lopez; he gives it a shot, but Mario Lopez reveals that he and Kimber are officially engaged.

Christian gets another surprise when Alexis shows up at the office and asks for a sex change operation – she wants to be a man. Alexis drops a bigger bomb – she used to be a man, had the snip-snip surgery to become a woman, and now wants to go back. She/He says that sometimes you don’t decide to change – sometimes it just comes out and surprises you. Christian asks him/her to leave.

Julia says she’s planning on moving to LA, but Erica doesn’t believe the two of them are in touch with reality. She introduces her new foreign beau Renaldo, who’s about half her age; the two have always wanted children, so why not take Sean and Julia’s? Speaking of kids that ought to be taken away from unfit parents, Kimber drops her brood off with Christian for a night off with Mario Lopez, who has agreed to do Alexis’s surgery. Christian suggests he wants Kimber back – again – but she’s not buying it. And Julia visits her mother to try to bribe her with Sean’s surgical skills – “my lost youth for your lost children,” Erica mutters with disdain. Julia shouts that Erica is trying to steal her daughter’s life.

Christian visits Alexis to try to dissuade her from the surgery by explaining the messy and difficult procedure of reversing a sex change. He also states that Mario Lopez isn’t the guy for the job; Alexis agrees. Meanwhile, Sean meets with Renaldo and asks what his angle is; Renaldo insists his motives are pure and that he just wants to be a father and make the kids happy. Sean decks him, and one of Renaldo’s amigos catches it all on tape for further use in court. And Erica reveals that Matt is testifying against his parents; Julia slaps her mother.

Kimber’s been fantasizing about Christian while she’s with Mario Lopez, who promises that they’re “going to be so happy together.” He wants to take Kimber and Jenna out on a picnic, but she’s turned off by the idea and gets upset that he doesn’t know her schedule well enough. She wants space, she says, and Mario Lopez freaks out because he thinks she’s getting cold feet. Back at the recovery suite, Alexis gets all dolled up in a suit to show Christian what a pretty boy she makes, but Christian’s not interested in switching teams – especially when Kimber shows up and asks to get the Mario Lopez tattoo removed from her shoulder.

Part Two begins with Matt starring in his own personal episode of “Oz,” when Christian visits and meets Matt’s new cellmate Kessler. Kessler promises that Matt is safe but asks Christian to give Matt breast implants so he can be a real pretty girl. “There’s a precedent for this,” the creepy prisoner declares as this show out-creeps itself. This is all Erica’s doing, we know; if she hadn’t put those crazy ideas into Matt’s head... well, he probably would have gotten into a whole new world of trouble by himself.

Suing for joint custody, Sean and Julia subject themselves to some brutal training-by-lawyer, who grills them to prep them for the court date. But if you ask this reviewer, these two don’t stand a chance, despite the emergency Botox Sean gives Julia to look youthful against Old-Timer Erica. Meanwhile, Christian sells his boat to some Saudis (WTEfron?) in order to come up with a “donation to prison reform” to help Matt out of his sticky situation.

Erica bribes Annie with new clothes and what looks like a new cover-up wig just as Sean and Julia visit and announce their plans to rent a house. Erica doesn’t like it, though, claiming it’s a fairy tale that hasn’t worked before. Upstairs, Renaldo photographs Annie in her new clothes, something that is more than a little creepy. At the jail, Matt gets transferred to a new cell, but Kessler’s still on hand to rough him up some.

Alexis – now Alex – visits Christian again and gripes that (s)he isn’t being taken seriously by people, who recognize she’s post-op but don’t know that she’s post-post-op. Alex wants her breast implants back so she can seduce straight men again (I’d be fibbing if I didn’t see this reversal of fortune coming). Christian starts thinking metaphorically about Matt’s situation, so he visits Matt, who’s been brutalized like nobody’s business in prison. Matt says the only way to help him is by giving him the operation, but Christian doesn’t want to believe it.

While Sean and Julia house-shop, we start to get the feeling that maybe these two might be on the way to a reunion, especially because no one else can stand to be with either one of them. Once they start making out and canoodling, there’s little question. Sean tells Julia they need to play dirty – “just like Erica” – if they want to keep their kids. Sean says he wants to plant cocaine on Renaldo and get him locked up for ten years, but Julia flips her lid and flushes the stuff. Meanwhile, Erica gets passports in the mail for Annie and Conor, but she discovers that Renaldo is hiding something – Annie’s underwear. Told you he was creeptastic. So the circle repeats itself; Annie’s doing the same thing to Erica that Julia did – stealing her youth.

Erica reveals that she’s dropped the custody proceedings and left Renaldo, and Sean and Julia realize that there was something absolutely indecent about Renaldo. In the surgical suite, Alexis tells Christian that implants are nothing but silicone bags that can be put in and taken out at will. Christian daydreams about performing the surgery on Matt but ultimately backs out, slipping Matt something at the prison – a bottle of pills that’ll interfere with Kessler’s libido.

Julia and Erica bond over growing old and not looking like the same person you know you are on the inside – Theme Alert! – but Julia kicks Erica out of the country and tells her that “you’re dead to me.” In prison, Kessler brings Matt a brassiere, but the pills are already starting to take effect. Unfortunately Kessler finds the pills and menaces Matt, but Matt strangles Kessler with the brassiere. When Erica goes to the airport, the security team finds the bag of cocaine in her purse. Turns out Julia didn’t flush it after all! That steely-eyed look on Erica’s face tells us that maybe we haven’t seen the last of her. (Then again, this is “Nip/Tuck,” the show that let The Carver escape to Spain after a season of serial rape and murder, so abandoned plotlines aren’t exactly new.)

Verdict? In two halves, this episode was one of the strangest ones Nip/Tuck’s done in a while – and I mean that in a good way. Part I was quirky and a little whimsical, but Part II was perhaps the darkest episode of 88 so far (there are going to be a total of 100). Having said that, I was glued to this two-parter, glad that I had waited to watch the episodes back-to-back. I miss Rose McGowan’s Teddy, but I’m fascinated by where they’re going with this “Matt in prison” plotline. It was also great to see Vanessa Redgrave step in as Mommie Dearest again; I think a lot of people forget that she’s one of the show’s best antagonists (though last year’s Colleen Rose will always have my heart). Let the saga of deranged nutcases continue, because I’ll be there.

Zach's Gleecap - "Hairography"

Sue’s back, and that can only mean one thing – duplicity. And snarky remarks. Those, too.

The episode starts with a bang – Sue reappears with all the snarling charm we missed last week, demanding to see the set list for sectionals and installing Illiterate Brittany as a spy. What’s worse is that she seems to be leaking information to the competition. Will drives down to the detention facility – Competitor #1 – to speak with this week’s special guest star Eve, who takes umbrage at the allegation. To apologize, Will lets the JDs practice in his auditorium for a “scrimmage.”

These delinquents can deliver, with a “Bootylicious” performance and the strangest ad hoc costumes yet. They’re right – I wasn’t ready for this AT ALL. How ever will the glee kids match their wholesome image up against a veritable gang of singers? Rachel’s not worried, insisting that the other team is playing a smoke and mirrors game of “hairography.” Will’s solution, oddly enough, is to sing a song from “Hair” and wear giant wigs.

Puck steals a parenting book for Quinn, who swoons but wants acceptance and an elastic waistband; poor girl’s confused about her feelings for Puck. So Quinn asks Kurt to give pantsuited Rachel a makeover, and the fashionista scheming begins. While Terri continues her pregnancy charade but fears she won’t be able to keep it up for much longer, Kurt waxes Rachel’s eyebrows and aims to broaden her appeal. But when Rachel confesses she’s in love with Finn, Kurt knows exactly what to do – dress Rachel like Sandy in “Grease.”

Quinn drops the mother of all bombs on Terri – she’s planning on keeping the baby. The deaf school (guest star Michael Hitchcock, another hilarious Christopher Guest alum like Jane Lynch) knocks down Will’s door and gripes that his kids weren’t invited to the scrimmage. After a few hearing misfires, the battle is on. The baby battle, though, brews on, and Terri’s sister develops a top-notch plan: once Quinn spends five minutes babysitting, she’ll want to abandon her “mongrel” at first chance.

Rachel struts into school, and Finn’s head over heels. This gives Quinn the perfect moment to co-babysit with Puck, and Brittany finds out that she’s got a valid skill set – she’s a master of hairography (“cool epilepsy,” as she dubs it). Sue is most displeased with the “demeaning fruity hair-tossing” and threatens to return as co-director. Finn starts getting confused about Rachel’s new “sad clown hooker” look and admits that he likes the “sequined leg warmers.” Both of them realize that Kurt has been sabotaging the whole shebang since day one.

Babysitting turns out to be a disaster when Puck and Quinn get tied up by the three little hellions, but they bust free and serenade the tots with “Papa Don’t Preach” (which might not be the most appropriate song for three little kids, but just think of the symbolism). The night is a success, and Puck and Quinn learn that maybe this parenting thing isn’t all too complicated. Rachel confronts Kurt, who breaks the news that neither one of them has a shot with Finn. And Background Cheerleader #3 tells Quinn to back off of Puck, claiming they were “sexting” while P&Q were playing house.

The hairography number is a distracting mess of thrashing heads, and the deaf kids are not amused. Even Will seems slightly bamboozled. When the deaf kids take the stage with John Lennon’s “Imagine,” the singing isn’t pitch-perfect, but the mixture of sign language and inspiring messages tells the glee kids that they need to scale their performances down – and join in for a duet of sorts. When Quinn finds out that Background Cheerleader Santana wasn’t lying about Puck, she’s miffed – especially when Puck refuses to change. This is enough to change Quinn’s mind and give the baby to Terri after all.

“Can we be in love again?” Quinn asks Finn. Absolutely, he replies – there’s a big emotional hugging-it-out in the middle of the hallway. Kurt and Rachel lock eyes and get all depressed about being alone. And Will visits Sue, confessing that he was wrong about being showy, even introducing a “stool choir” number to the set, with Stutter-No-More Tina on lead vocals. But it turns out that Will wasn’t wrong at all – Sue IS trying to give the set list to the rival teams, who don’t bite initially but leave us at a cliffhanger.

Verdict? “Glee” has only got two episodes left to ramp up, but so far it hasn’t been able to live up to the inertia of the first few episodes. With sectionals around the corner, at least we’re starting to get a healthier mash-up of drama and comedy, but the show isn’t quite as funny as I’d like to see it. None of these, though, are buzzkills, since I’m still watching and almost certainly will be for the remainder of the season.

Zach's Heroes Watch - "Thanksgiving"

Previously on Heroes: Nylar’s identity crisis gets better, and Samuel learns that you CAN get what you want. Now it’s time for the Heroes Holiday Super Special.

Hiro’s peeved with Samuel because he went back on word about Charlie, but Samuel is too busy arranging Thanksgiving dinner and being evil. Hiro gets relegated to setting the table with Lydia, who caucuses with Edgar about whether or not Samuel is evil (the audience would like to know, too). Hiro fears that “Naked Lady” is trying to seduce him, but Lydia says she can help find Charlie with her power, but she wonders why Samuel didn’t save Joseph. The two decide to go back and find out who killed Joseph.

Samuel notices that Lydia’s missing and figures out that she’s probably in the past. Back in the past, Joseph tells Samuel how dangerous he really is, but Samuel’s in love with the idea of being powerful. But Joseph will have none of it, having called a government agent (Noah?) to the carnival. Angry, Samuel kills Joseph just as Hiro and Lydia return to the present. Lydia wants to stand up to Samuel, but Hiro’s afraid for Charlie’s life.

At dinner, Samuel does dastardly deeds like stealing a piece of pie and declaring that Edgar killed Joseph. Hiro saves Edgar from Samuel, who doesn’t seem to suspect anything. Hiro deduces that Samuel needs Hiro more than Hiro needs Charlie and calls Samuel’s bluff, but the resident Rastafarian weirdo scrambles Hiro’s brain. Hiro disappears, much to Samuel’s chagrin.

Noah does some Thanksgiving shopping while being one of those irritating cell phone shoppers. It’s part of his plan to cheer up Claire, who’s bummed that Gretchen moved out. Once dinner’s arranged and Claire cryptically announces she has “something (she’s) been meaning to say,” Noah coincidentally runs into Partner Plot-Thread (Lauren), and the two reminisce about being Primatech baddies. Lauren agrees to help Noah cook dinner, which is great because Noah doesn’t have any “life skills.” Claire feels awkward about this plot twist, especially since she was banking on Tracy being her new step-mom, but Sandra brings her new beau (Doug) and it’s a big awkward mess up at Noah’s crib.

It’s evident there’s still some mojo between Noah and Sandra, and Claire just looks nauseated. Sandra tries to spill some beans about Primatech, and Doug reveals that he’s allergic to legumes – shocker of the season! Oh yeah, and Claire announces that she’s thinking of dropping out of college. Noah and Claire argue about this, but Sandra hasn’t been watching the show lately and can’t follow the conversation. Doug tries to butt in, and Claire pulls one of her “stab myself and heal” tricks that we fans love so much. Doug faints.

Lauren tries to buddy up with Sandra while Claire learns that Noah is planning to bag-and-tag Samuel. Their conversation is interrupted when Gretchen comes to the apartment. Gretchen jokes about how much she misses Claire, who creepily invites her back. The romantic tension in the room is thicker than pumpkin pie (sorry for the bad pun). The romance continues in the room when Lauren asks Noah to a movie, and Sandra lovingly dupes Doug into thinking he hallucinated the cutting incident. Claire and Gretchen decide to go on a road trip, with Samuel’s compass as their guide.

Nathan’s having nightmares, which could be the fault of his Sylar problems or of the empty bottle of vodka in his hand. Mama Petrelli shows up with a catering staff for a rich person’s Thanksgiving, and she pretends she doesn’t know what’s up with Mylar, Nylar, and all the other Sylars running around on this show. But what everyone wants to know is how Angela’s going to justify last year’s plotline, so she tries to explain while Peter looks brooding.

Angela promises pie, but it’ll have to wait, because Sylar takes control of Nathan and finally comes back into his own body, replete with electric face change – “it feels good to finally be me again,” he declares as he sits down for a piece of pie. Hope it’s pumpkin! Actually, make that an entire pie. Sylar tries to carve open Angela’s skull, but there’s evidently still some Nathan inside there fighting for control. Nathan wins – for now – but he’s probably going to be stuck fighting Mind Sylar for the rest of the season. Peter promises to find his brother.

Verdict: This was basically the Heroes version of “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.” We learned this episode that bad guys eat pumpkin pie, which bodes ill for this reviewer. We got a better understanding of what Samuel’s up to, and we finally have a clear sense of the trajectory for the rest of the season. AND we found out that Mr. Muggles is still alive! What more could you want out of an episode of Heroes.

Biggest LOST News Ever

I wish I'd gotten this up earlier, but TV Overmind is reporting the news we've all been waiting for: LOST is coming back February 2, 2010 - that's a Tuesday - at 9 p.m. (8 p.m. Central). Head over for all the details, but at least this is finally confirmed by an actual showrunner - not a dumb rumor mill product.

Zach's Gleecap: Ballad

Glee’s been juggling humor and drama all season, but they haven’t been able to match the dexterity of the first few episodes as far as keeping plates spinning goes.

“Ballads are stories set to music” – because Rachel writes tons of letters to show choir committees, the glee club has to perform a ballad at sectionals. So Will puts everyone’s names in a hat and pairs them up. In awkward news, cheerleaders have to sing to each other, Finn gets paired up with Kurt, and Rachel gets paired up with Will. Will and Rachel sing “Endless Love” to demonstrate what the assignment actually is, but Will gets weirded out when Rachel gets too far into it – crush on teacher!

We meet Quinn’s parents, who are a little preppy, obsessive, and crazy – not only does Mom fret about Quinn’s waistline, but Dad is a big Glenn Beck fan. The folks are inviting Finn over for dinner – trouble is brewing, especially when Rachel gives Will a necktie. Back from “Heroes,” Emma counsels Will on the Rachel situation. Will has a history of fragile psychopaths falling in love with him, and Emma wants him to sing it out so that we don’t get a repeat of his worst schoolgirl crushing – Suzy Pepper.

Finn has problems singing to Kurt, but he finds that he has emotions about his unborn daughter, so Kurt advises him to sing “I’ll Stand By You.” Singing to the sonogram, though, is Finn’s own creepy idea, but he didn’t expect his mom to figure it out so quickly. Beans get spilled. Kurt keeps trying to convince Finn to give up girls, but Finn’s too dense to notice, something Kurt finds terribly attractive anyway.

Will sings a mash-up of “Young Girl” and “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” to try to get the message across, but Rachel’s so lovestruck that all she can think about is how dreamy Will is. Emma agrees. Will’s awkward. Suzy Pepper is back, and she’s not happy with Rachel. Meanwhile, Kurt and Finn bond over fashion, and Kurt again tells Finn to sing it out. And Terri invites Rachel over to the house for dinner, hoping to manipulate Rachel into doing the household chores – “it’s win-win for everyone.” But Will drives Rachel home and finds out she has her “sights set much higher.”

Puck’s rehearsal with Mercedes is distracted by “Babygate,” especially when Puck confesses to Mercedes that he’s the father, not Finn. Finn has his own Babygate-related drama while at dinner at the Fabrays; he’s about to sing to Quinn, and he lets rip “You’re Having My Baby.” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist for the Fabrays to put one and one together. We have to wait an entire commercial break to find out that Mom and Dad are kicking Quinn out of the house. “Glee” amps up the emotion with some extra-powerful scenes between Finn and Quinn.

Then the comedy kicks back in when Suzy Pepper tries to convince Rachel not to fall in love with Will. “Trust me,” Suzy declares metafictionally, “I’m a cautionary tale.” Will stops her in her tracks when he tells her that her behavior is inappropriate, but Rachel has already come to this conclusion on her own, delivering “Sorry I was acting crazy!” flowers and getting a heartwarming “there’s someone for everyone” message.

The glee club band together to share a message of unity and togetherness – “Lean on Me.”

Verdict? I’ll be honest – this episode had me weeping for Dido. Somebody get Dianna Agron an Emmy nomination for taking Quinn from stereotypical bitch to three-dimensional in the thirty minutes it took her to pack up her things. Not the funniest episode in the world, but perhaps the most awkward. I also really miss Sue Sylvester – was Jane Lynch busy this week? I can’t help but wonder, though – now that the audience is on Quinn’s side 100%, how much longer will she be lying to Finn about the fact that he’s not really the father? (Season finale cliffhanger, anyone?)

Zach's Heroes Watch: "Brother's Keeper"

Previously on Heroes: Sylar thinks he’s Noah, Tracy wants to go to the carnival, Matt tried to kill himself, and Samuel kidnapped Charlie to get Hiro to help save Mohinder.

Nine weeks ago, Mohinder was going through a geography lesson – and about change (THEME ALERT) – and we find out that the mystery video Samuel wants has to do with Mohinder’s father’s involvement in the Coyote Sands research from the no-longer irrelevant plotline last year. We also find out that the video involves Samuel and the theory that people with superpowers can amplify their powers by hanging out together – since Baby Samuel was born at Coyote Sands, he’s got super superpowers.

By researching this special force and following a special compass that he invented (mystery resolved!), Mohinder ends up breaking his marriage. But we know that Samuel could be unstoppable if he surrounds himself with enough supers – which he already has. Mohinder finds his way to the carnival and meets up with Joseph (played by a B-list version of Liam Neeson), who’s covering up that his brother is special, and with Samuel, who was kind of a shrimp back in the day. Turns out Joseph is covering up everything about Samuel’s powers so Ambitious Samuel doesn’t know. Joseph kicks Mohinder out of the carnival to try to keep everything under wraps, but Samuel was eavesdropping!

Mohinder feels like he made a mistake and wants to back off before Samuel finds out, so he takes some lighter fluid out of the minibar and burns the video – or is about to before Hiro stops time and switches the video for some nondescript film. Evil Butterfly Man arrives and menaces Mohinder. Jealous that his brother is “playing king,” Samuel kills Mohinder with rocks, or so it seems – Hiro stopped time, put a bulletproof vest on Mohinder, and saved his life. Hiro brings Mohinder up to speed on the season’s important plotlines and then hides him in a mental hospital for a few weeks.

Samuel wants Hiro to prevent him from killing Mohinder eight weeks ago because Mohinder has some mystery video from 1961. But Hiro just looks constipated because he’s having problems teleporting. Fortunately, we know that Hiro has changed time – he’s got the video and he saved Mohinder from a fate worse than cancellation. He presents a film can to Samuel and asks for Charlie to come back, but Samuel doesn’t deliver.

Meanwhile, Tracy wants to run away and join the circus because her superpowers are acting up. Somebody get this girl some antifreeze. While Claire does laundry at her dad’s apartment (where the heck do these people live, anyway?), she finds Tracy flipping out. Tracy takes a bath, but the whole thing freezes over, and Tracy ends up freezing Claire. That’s cold, Tracy. But this episode is weird and crazy because Claire’s foot falls off while she’s frozen, which Tracy ends up thinking is super funny – good thing Claire has a sense of humor about all this.

Tracy and Claire chill out (get it?) in their bathrobes while they figure out that Tracy’s problem is psychological. Tracy’s having an identity crisis, too, so she and Claire bond over knowing Samuel and wanting to go to the carnival. Noah comes home, and he’s slightly weirded out over the fact that there’s a severed foot on the table – can we please get a sitcom spin-off called “Same Old, Same Old” starring these three?

Tracy meets Samuel at a diner (favorite setting of the season?) and ends up scoring an invitation from Samuel to join the carnival.

Nathan/Sylar is puzzled over who he is and what the heck he was doing in a carnival. Rene the Haitian arrives with the exposition for this episode, promising “the truth.” Turns out Mama Petrelli wants all these messy memories erased, but the Haitian’s not buying it. Instead, he sends Peter on a quest to a storage facility – where the real Nathan’s body is stored. Nylar touches the body and starts to get memories from it. They know Matt Parkman has the answers, but it’s too bad he’s in critical condition; fortunately Peter has healing powers!

The Petrellis skulk around a hospital until they find Matt, who Peter heals. But Mind-Sylar is ecstatic because his body is right within sight. Matt spills the beans, but Sylar takes over and wants to put the moves on Nathan. In short, Matt’s trying to stop Mylar from touching Nylar to become Sylar again. My head hurts, but at least it makes sense. So Nathan’s identity crisis gets worse when he realizes he doesn’t actually exist. Nathan accidentally touches Matt, but it’s not clear who’s who for the moment.

Matt busts out of the hospital by using his powers, and Nylar takes Peter to a set with the Grand Canyon superimposed on the backdrop. More touching – Peter gets Nylar’s power(s). Matt makes a call to his wife and says all the craziness is over. Problem solved? What a strange ending – Nathan knows he’s Sylar but is afraid of how Peter feels about that. Complicated.

Verdict? Another fantastic episode from Heroes, if a bit complicated. A lot of plotlines are coming together, and we’re getting a sense of how the writers really do know what they’re doing this year. The cast is exceptional this year, and Robert Knepper really got a chance to shine by playing Past Samuel. But I couldn’t be more excited for next week, when Samuel reveals who killed Joseph (prediction: Samuel did it, but he’s going to blame Lydia or Edgar).

How'd It Get Burned This Week? (Nov. 16, 2009)

All quiet on the forehead front - but good news for Nic Cage!

Cinema Blend wins Headline of the Week (as well as Best Photoshop and Best Logo) with "The Bank Of Depp To Bail Nic Out Of His Cage." Media sources are buzzing that Hollywood's Mr. Nice Guy Johnny Depp has offered his friend Nic Cage "whatever it takes" to fix his fiscal woes. Oh, Johnny Depp. He's just so nice. Cinema Blend thinks this might not be true, but we've heard this story all weekend with no rebuttal from Camp Depp.

Oh, and Nic's new "Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans" opens in limited release, co-starring owl lover Eva Mendes.

Weekend Watch - Nov. 20, 2009

Lame, lamer, and lamest at the box office this week.

Planet 51 - The aliens invade - and it's humans! Feel-good kids movie of the week, starring The Rock as The Human who lands on an alien world.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon - Skip.

The Blind Side - Sandra Bullock (falling fast from "The Proposal") and Tim McGraw (now only relevant for being the title of a Taylor Swift song) take in a disadvantaged inner city kid and teach him to play football. Basically the track listing from every country album ever.

Tops at the Box Office - Weekend of Nov. 13, 2009

1. 2012 (first weekend)
2. A Christmas Carol
3. The Men Who Stare at Goats
4. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
5. This Is It
6. The Fourth Kind
7. Couples Retreat
8. Paranormal Activity
9. Law Abiding Citizen
10. The Box
    

Zach's Nip/Tuck Procedure - "Abigail Reynolds"

With Teddy and Matt all with ambiguous fates from last week, you just know this show’s going to get its crazy on this week.

We start right off with a trippy disorienting surgery on Matt intercut with flashback fill-ins from last week explaining how Sean and the kids survived Teddy’s carbon monoxide attempt but not how Sean or Christian can ethically operate on their own son Matt (those of you who are just tuning in may not know that Sean and Christian have equal claims to Matt’s parentage).

Sean gets disturbing news about Teddy’s fate – police found a human heart with her hair sample nearby. Of course, on this show, such certainty means she’s almost certainly not dead (if only for shock value). Sean cries (almost as much as Jack on “Lost”), but he wouldn’t feel so bad if he knew she were trying to kill him – or if he could read the credits and see that Rose McGowan is still listed as a cast member. So he channels his emotions by watching Road Runner cartoons and by getting a visit from Julia, his ex-wife who we haven’t seen in about a season. Within moments they’re back to bickering.

Christian wants Matt to go to prison because it’ll set him straight. He, too, fights with Julia over whether or not Matt is a good kid – and Matt heard the whole conversation.

Patient of the week is Abigail Sullivan, who wants the remnants of her in utero parasitic twin “Moira” removed. Her crazy mother never had the extra bones and tissue removed from her living daughter, and Abigail’s having problems separating her identity from “Moira.”

Sean and Julia are unpacking Teddy’s life, and they realize that he knows almost nothing about his allegedly deceased bride. They have a lot of talk about truth and healing (theme alert!) before agreeing to turn Matt in to the police. But Christian calls – Matt’s booked from the recovery suite, and no one knows where he is. Christian does the surgery on Abigail, stating somewhat overhandedly, “Now all she needs is the courage to be herself.”

Sean finds Matt at home packing and popping his sutures. Sean bandages up Matt and agrees to let him go – touching emotional moment. Sean cries some more. Police arrest a suspect who had Teddy’s head in a box – Sean vomits. This is the single most bizarre way that Nip/Tuck has ever wrapped up a storyline. Sean confronts the murderer, who reveals both that he’s a sociopath and that Teddy told him about her plan to kill Sean; in a flashback, we actually see Teddy get murdered, so maybe she’s dead after all. But of course Sean doesn’t believe the killer’s story

Matt sneaks in to visit his daughter, but Kimber catches him and asks to run away with him. She promises they can be a family again. Meanwhile, Abigail gets a look at her surgery and recounts a dream she had in which her mother accused her of killing her sister. She requests the “remains” of “Moira,” which Sean unethically relinquishes.

Matt agrees to take Kimber with but later gets cold feet about being Bonnie & Clyde; Kimber talks him into letting them stay. But it turns out Christian followed him, and he encourages Matt to turn himself in. Matt pulls a gun, and Christian backs off. Back in LA, the cops have uncovered Teddy’s shady past as a black widow, killing her doctor-husbands and reaping the benefits of their life insurance policies. Sean tells the police to burn the remains.

Abigail returns to the doctors after her stitches rupture during her big concert, but it wasn’t an accident; she took the little hand that belonged to her “sister” and forcibly reinserted it. Sean agrees to fix the stitching but not to fix the psychotic twin fixation. “Why is it that we see what we want to believe but we don’t want to believe what we see?” he asks philosophically. “Because the truth sucks,” Liz delivers matter-of-factly. In a little motel somewhere, Matt stitches himself up but, wracked by pain, reaches for his handgun, but he calls Sean and asks for help. Sean agrees to fix Matt’s stitching, too, but what he doesn’t say is that he told the cops where Matt was. How many convenience stores did Matt rob to merit a full squad on hand to arrest him?

Rather than scatter Teddy’s ashes at sea, Sean dumps the remains in a garbage can. Julia takes the kids out of the house, and Sean walks into the ocean for either a swim or a suicide attempt.

Verdict? What a depressing episode, all about accepting who you are and facing reality. I like my Nip/Tuck fun and quirky, not angsty and gloomy (I’ll go read “Twilight” if I want that). Please be fun again, Nip/Tuck!

Zach's Gleecap: "Wheels"

It’s been so long since I did a Gleecap, I almost don’t remember how. Oh, well – let’s give it a shot.

Quinn’s still in regular clothes, weirdly watching the Cheerios practice. It helps take her mind off of how much money the baby’s going to cost; what’s even quirkier is that she hasn’t even told her parents yet. Meanwhile, Jewish journalist Jacob (still smarmy as always) interviews Sue about the Quinn controversy while Will confronts Principal about money for a special wheelchair-compatible bus.

Glee is returning to the airwaves while being extra sympathetic toward Artie and his handicap, so not only do we get plenty of attention to people being selfish and not taking his wheelchair into account, but Artie gets his own solo (“Dancing with Myself”), during which we continue to get hints that a Wheels/Asian romance might not be out of the question.

Tensions brew when Kurt volunteers to compete with Rachel for the lead in their new number. But Will wants to remind us that we’re all in this together, so he forces all the Glee kids to spend time in a wheelchair, as well as do a wheelchair-themed number and – worst of all – host a bake sale. Between facefuls of pasta and baseball bats to the head, Wheelchair Week isn’t looking well for the kids, but Quinn and Puck get cozy in home ec, even though Quinn vows to swear up and down that Finn’s the father while creaking eggs on Puck’s mohawk. Food fight ensues, and things get sticky when Finn shows up.

Kurt’s sort-of-tolerant (“I hope it’s not a guy, because I’m not ready for that conversation”) father encourages him to cross-over and try for the lead anyway despite being “queer as a three-dollar bill.” So Will consents to an audition – “it’s on.” Between moments of hilariously uncoordinated wheelchair navigation, Kurt’s dramatic cross-legged pose, and Brittany’s confusion of right and left, things are heating up for a diva-off.

Sue hates wheelchair ramps, but Principal wants Sue to hold open auditions for Cheerios to open up diversity. With cupcake sales down, Quinn and Finn start feuding again. Auditions for Cheerios go horribly awry, with no clear contestant better than anyone else; Sue admits disabled Becky, even though her jump rope skills leave a lot to be desired. And a wheelchair fight breaks out when Puck accuses Finn of not doing enough to take care of his baby-to-be.

The disastrously uncoordinated wheelchair antics continue as Artie encourages us to “just go for it.” Artie also delivers a sensitive backstory that involves a car crash that deprived him of the use of his legs, but the moment gets lightened when Artie reassures us that he’s still sexually capable. But Kurt’s moment of high-note ecstasy is wrecked when his dad gets an anonymous crank call. And Rachel gets an idea for how to help Finn out of his fiscal failings while Puck’s new cupcakes with a special recipe are suspiciously selling like hotcakes – thanks to a special ingredient (marijuana) supplied by Sandy.

Sue drops all kinds of hilarious innuendoes – suggesting both that she auditioned for “Baywatch” and served as a sniper spotter in the Falkland Islands – while growing frustrated with Becky’s inability to jump rope. The diva-off gets started, but what’s terrifying for the voters is how similar Kurt and Rachel’s voices are. But at least it’s not blatantly obvious who’s going to win, at least not until Kurt purposely blows the High F (which his dad thought was a “Kool Aid or a Hi-C”).

Puck keeps putting money into Quinn’s hands to prove he’s not a deadbeat, but Quinn knows the money came from the cupcake fund. Meanwhile Finn reveals Rachel’s mystery plan: coerce companies into hiring Finn by threatening a civil liberties suit if they discriminate against him. We also learn that Sue’s got a disabled sister in a nursing home and that Tina has been faking her stutter (which upsets Artie).

The wheelchair number turns out to be “Proud Mary” – which fits perfectly with all this rolling imagery in the episode. The number is a huge success, and everybody loves everybody.

Verdict? We’ve said that “Glee” has two kinds of episodes: funny episodes and character episodes. “Wheels” was definitely one of the latter, with not a lot of funny moments but plenty of material to give the characters more of a heartbeat. While this wasn’t Glee’s best effort (which may account for my admittedly lifeless commentary this week), at least this wasn’t a cheesy “yay diversity” episode like it could have been.

Zach's Heroes Watch - "Shadowboxing"

Previously on Heroes: Peter has a new power, Matt is dueling with Imaginary Sylar while Real Sylar chills with Samuel, and Claire deals with the worst sorority rush of all time.

Back at the carnival, Sylar still thinks he’s Nathan and is having some weird nocturnal face-changes. Samuel discloses to Lydia that he’s still trying to recruit Claire, even though it seems like a lost cause, and Nylar (Nathan/Sylar) flies away.

Claire and Gretchen bamboozle Paris and Nicole by claiming they’re just seeing things because of some drugged water bottles, and the two stare longingly at each other. Back on campus, Claire and Gretchen try to figure out why Invisible Becky is evil, figuring out that baby powder will make Becky visible. The plot thickens! Noah and The Haitian are already at Becky’s sorority house, having wiped all their memories clean.

Noah’s back in full bag-and-tag mode, with a plan to keep Becky away – The Haitian cancels out powers, so he’ll protect Claire. “This is not my first rodeo,” Noah says – best line ever. Not that much of this matters – Gretchen’s packing up to go home, even though Claire gives Gretchen a touching speech about needing each other. Just when Claire’s at her loneliest, Samuel shows up!

Samuel answers a few questions by revealing that the carnival is more of a family than any blood relations. He tells Claire Becky’s sob story origin, when we also learn that Noah killed her father. But watch out, Noah, you’re about to star in your very own horror movie scene, co-starring Invisible Becky. This time, it’s personal. After learning that Becky’s out to destroy him, Noah finds Samuel and Claire chatting and does what he does best – he pulls a gun.

Samuel also reveals that Danko killed Joseph (something we called a while ago), but he’s still being ambiguous about the value of the compass. While trying to bag-and-tag Samuel, Becky attacks Noah and Claire, but Samuel stops her and successfully pits Claire against her father for a moment. But it seems that this dispute is short-lived, because Claire and Noah are buddy-buddy in the next scene.

Peter’s control over life and death comes in handy as a paramedic, but Emma’s still upset about something. Seems she and Maya are members of the “I hate my superpower” club. But Emma starts on the path to becoming a real medical practitioner by suturing up a walk-on from “Grey’s Anatomy.” But all this people-saving is taking its toll on Peter, who’s wearing out faster than a wet paper bag in a windstorm. “Be ordinary,” says Emma, who we learn is a med school dropout.

When a little girl’s found passed out, it seems like Peter’s just going to fix her with his magic powers, but Emma knows the medical procedure the girl needs and fixes everything. Emma piano-s it out with her power and gives us her backstory, too – there’s a drowning nephew in her past. We get a lot of lovey-dovey “you saved me” bonding, especially when Peter piano-s it out, too.

Sylar’s taken control of Matt’s body and is bodynapping him to New York. But Matt gets the last laugh when he packs a gun in the bag, especially after Sylar learns that he can’t control Matt’s power. Mylar (Matt/Sylar) gets dragged away by airport security while Real Matt giggles over how clever he is. Four hours and a flat tire later, Sylar kills a trucker who stops to help fix the tire, continuing this ugly but delightfully inventive storyline about Matt and Sylar dueling for control of his body.

By odd coincidence or by brilliant design, Sylar bodynaps Matt to the same diner in Texas where Charlie used to work. Sylar tells Matt that the entire world are hostages now unless Matt spills the beans on where Sylar’s body is. To save a waitress, Matt confesses that he overwrote Sylar’s personality with Nathan. This makes things worse, because Sylar builds a list of people he’s going to attack, but Matt gets the last laugh when he tricks Mylar into scribbling a murder threat on a napkin. Matt plans to sacrifice himself to kill Sylar. It works – the cops show up and gun down Mylar. Things, though, might not be that easy; paramedics try to resuscitate him.

At the end of the episode, Samuel reveals that all of what just happened was part of the plan, but what he’s not ready for is the fact that Sylar is missing. We also find out that Noah’s been tracking Samuel for some time; you can’t, it seems, keep a good man down forever. And finally, Peter gets a surprise visit from Nathan, who thinks he’s in trouble but can’t place why.

Verdict? Can we give Robert Knepper an Emmy or something? Samuel is one of the most fascinating characters on television, and he’s one of the main reasons “Heroes” is redeeming itself this season. Also, the Matt/Sylar plotline gets what seems like a satisfactory conclusion, with a morally complicated self-sacrifice, to boot. Another spectacular episode – I’m ready to declare this the best season of “Heroes” yet.

Mysteries of LOST: Healing Properties

Previously on LOST: From Day One, we've known that the Island has healing properties. Once crippled, Locke can now walk. The island's cured Jin's infertility and Rose's cancer. But we know that the island is choosy. Sometimes Locke can't walk, and for some reason Ben (who was cured back in 1977) was able to develop a tumor on his spine. Why does this happen?

One of these things is not like the other: Ana Lucia, Ben, Locke, Rose. Lilia guessed Ben, but it turns out that Ana Lucia was the only person NOT healed by the island.

So why the selective healing? We started off divided - Lilia thought Jacob was behind the healing, while Zach suggested that The Nemesis might have a hand in manipulating healings to further his ultimate goal of killing Jacob. Both of these theories have their merits.

Then Lilia dropped a bomb - what if Richard heals people, especially people who will do good for the island? We know that Richard was on hand when Ben was healed as a child, but Ben's policies fell out of favor with the island, we know. And Locke could have been healed because Richard already knew Locke would be a good leader for The Others - Locke told him so himself.

Let's hope the last season doesn't disappoint. Dear Lost: Please use our ideas!

Lost Episode Titles?

We're trying to stay spoiler-free over here at The Top Pop Stop, but some things are too good to pass up. DarkUFO, whose info is usually pretty reliable, has posted episode titles for the first seven of 18 episodes.

Just to be safe, take it with a grain of salt, and those who want to remain totally unspoiled should abstain from reading these titles.

1. LA X
2. LA X (two-part episode; note the space between LA and X!)
3. What Kate Does
4. The Substitute
5. Lighthouse
6. Sundown
7. Dr. Linus
   

How'd It Get Burned This Week? (Nov. 9, 2009)

With Nic Cage's financial situation in dire peril, we take a look back at some things that Nic has once owned - and is probably selling now. Plus, Nic on SNL! (sort of)

Associated Content tells us that Nic is selling yet another of his properties - a castle he owns. The article does not state how many other castles he owns.

With an opening paragraph so good it could have been written by The Top Pop Stop ("Sadly, the majority of headlines that Cage has been generating these days have not been for his punching prowess while wearing a bear suit or his intense hatred of bees but rather his recent stretch of bad financial luck."), New York Magazine takes a peek at some of the odder things Nic has owned. Action Comics #1? Check. Dinosaur skull? Check. Shrunken heads? Ch--what?!

Moviefone adds "owl" to the list. Eva Mendes, costar in Nic's new "Bad Lieutenant," apparently admires the owl: "I said, 'You know what, it would be so cool to own an owl,'" Mendes says. "He's like, 'I had an owl for a couple years.' He's that guy that had an owl for a couple years."

Finally, Nic got satirized on Saturday Night Live. Host Taylor Swift played Kate Gosselin opposite Andy Samberg as Nic with both guest-starring on "The View." We leave you now with... the video, courtesy of NBC and The Examiner.

Weekend Watch - Nov. 13, 2009

If you like explosions, music, or foxes, this weekend will be heaven for you.

2012 - Roland Emmerich's latest disaster porn picture finds John Cusack in the middle of the end of the world. Will he save his family in time? More importantly, what national landmarks will Emmerich destroy this time???

Pirate Radio - The true story about an offshore radio broadcasting banned music into Britain in the 1906s. With an all-star cast (Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Kenneth Branagh), the movie looks entertaining and might even be an indie contender for the Oscars.

Fantastic Mr. Fox (limited release, opening wide 11/25) - The Wes Anderson adaptation of the Roald Dahl book features foxes battling farmers for control of the chicken coop. looks cute, funny, and has a top lineup of voice actors.

Tops at the Box Office - Weekend of Nov. 6. 2009

1. A Christmas Carol (first weekend)
2. This Is It
3. The Men Who Stare at Goats (first weekend)
   
4. The Fourth Kind (first weekend)
5. Paranormal Activity
6. The Box (first weekend)
7. Couples Retreat
8. Law Abiding Citizen
9. Where the Wild Things Are
10. Astro Boy
    

Zach's Nip/Tuck Procedure - "Jenny Juggs"

What kind of crazy stuff can Nip/Tuck throw at us this week? How about mime crime, attempted murder by carbon monoxide, and psychotic feminist strippers? I’ve got my popcorn and my Dr. Pepper (the ideal TV snack), and I’m ready to go.

Sean wants Matt to get a real job because he thinks (like all of us do) that mime is ridiculous. But when Matt procures a wad of cash, it seems everything is copasetic. But his life as the supercriminal “The Mime” is starting to get to him, as is the pressure of child support for his child with Kimber.

Money troubles continue on the show (how timely), but Sean and Teddy are moving in together at a new place. Sean’s son Conor is coming to town, too, which means there will either be a happy family reunion or Teddy’s potentially murderous plans are coming to fruition. Poor lonely Christian drowns his sorrows at a strip joint where he meets patient of the week, the juggernaut-chested and more than appropriately named Jenny Juggs, who Christian invites into the surgical suite for a reconstructive procedure. This is his worst pick-up line yet, but I’ll bet that he beds this “tit terrorist” before the hour is up.

Meanwhile, Annie is still being a bitch, this time about being a vegetarian. But everyone has to clean up their act when Conor shows up. He’s awful shy, and Teddy realizes she really has no in with these kids. So let’s start over, she says, and let’s go camping! The last time an evil step-mother went camping was “The Parent Trap,” and we all remember how that ended up.

With his neck in traction, Christian feels he was unlawfully assaulted by Jenny Juggs, and so he’s out to prove that crime doesn’t pay (the theme of the episode). As Linda shows Liz her new iPhone, Jenny shows up at McNamara/Troy fresh out of lockup. Turns out that she has major psychological issues and a complete body-image misfire, so she’s here for a breast reduction, which Christian consents to after being heavily guilt-tripped about “healing” her.

Teddy has her heart set on this camping trip, under the guise of getting closer to Annie. Though Annie’s really gotten despicable this season, we don’t want to see her get whacked by Evil Teddy. But when Sean and Christian go down to the boardwalk to see Matt’s act, they learn that someone dressed like a mime has been robbing people. They leave Teddy alone with Annie, which is a seriously bad move, because Teddy’s threatening the little girl with admission to a camp for mentally disturbed teenage girls.

Matt gets put into a mime line-up, which devolves very quickly into an absurdist pairing of silent acting and accordion music. But the Chinese florist can’t remember who robbed her, so Matt’s off the hook. Sean and Christian aren’t convinced, though, because – let’s be serious – Matt hasn’t exactly been the most clean-cut character on this show (and that’s saying something). Matt pulls the mime-up card and gets cleared of suspicion with his two daddies.

On the camping trip, Teddy jams some pharmaceuticals into the s’mores, and the recipe even wins over Annie Anorexia. Back at home, Christian goes through some post-op counseling with Jenny, who’s still a neurotic mess despite going down to a C-cup. She dumps a bedpan on Christian, who decides to press charges on the psychotic stripper. And lit only by moonlight, Teddy smiles like a real creeper and fantasizes about kid-killing and inheritance-stealing. She takes the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm, cranks the heat up, and gets her kill-face on, locking the McNamaras inside the trailer just in time for a commercial break.

Teddy goes and makes nice with a neighboring camper who’s playing some opera. She must watch a lot of CSI, because this is a solid alibi. Back in the trailer, Annie wakes up as Teddy follows Camper Jerry into some creepy woods to watch a meteor shower. Some solid juxtaposition as far as direction goes, as singing, stars, and suffocating McNamaras all collide in an ooky montage. Just as the McNamaras bust out, Teddy gets abducted by Jerry and runs back to the now-empty camping trailer as Jerry lurks out of focus.

With Teddy unaccounted for, the McNamaras are rescued by a passing patrolman, and Matt resumes his life of mime crime. But Matt’s target has a shotgun hidden under the counter, and things don’t look good for Bloody Mime Matt by the end of the episode.

Verdict? Wow. This episode reminded me a lot of the Season Three finale, when we learned the identity of season-long serial killer The Carver in a fantastic montage scored by a non sequitur tango track. Here we’ve got a lot of the season’s storylines building to a head, all with operatic tra-la-la’ing in the background. Things don’t look good for anyone on the show, but the show continues its climb from dredgy drama up into the realm of that perfect comedy/drama blend we’ve come to expect from the most superficial show on the tube.

Zach's Heroes Watch - "Once Upon a Time in Texas"

Previously on Heroes: Samuel has some past-fixin’ to do, and so does Hiro. Enter destiny and special guest star Charlie.

Hiro successfully travels back in time, and he’s ready to save Charlie from a fate worse than Sylar. Cue the boy-meets-girl flashback, and since good guys wear white hats Hiro gets mixed up in a whole slew of appropriate imagery (see, Grey’s? That’s how it’s done.). We also get a nice little reminder that Charlie had a power – super-memory, which sounds really nice right in time for finals week.

Retcon alert! Noah used to have a partner besides the Haitian, and we revisit some of that good old “lying to our families sucks” dialogue we’ve come to know and love. Except Lady Partner (Lauren) thinks Noah is flirting with her – is he? We also get some fantastic reminders of how close the Sylar chase was back in Season One and how close the show is coming to eclipsing its original greatness.

Remember Eden and Isaac? They’re all back, too! ...in alternate history form. It’s too bad that I don’t remember Season One all that well, because Noah asks Isaac to do something that we probably already saw, but I can’t honestly remember. What’s definitely new is that Noah’s partner has the hots for our bespectacled buddy, feelings that don’t seem to be reciprocal unless the writers want to hook them up in subsequent episodes.

Noah’s much more interested in reconnecting with his daughter, and we learn that Noah’s a Shakespeare buff (I like him more already, even though he quoted my least favorite of Will’s plays). After Claire tells him to do what makes him happy, it looks like Noah’s about to get busy with his partner, but we know he’s not all morally grey. He keeps it in his pants and puts his family first. No lovin’ for Lauren, who has her memory wiped Haitian-style to make things easier.

Back in the present day at the Creepy Carnival, Old Man Arnold is ready to shuffle off the mortal coil, which has Samuel irked because he didn’t buy a big enough cemetery plot. Samuel, whose superpower seems to be “convinc[ing] an apple it’s an orange,” knows he needs Hiro because Lydia’s tattoo told him so, so he’s off into the past to try to convince Hiro to join up with him.

So Samuel wants to tell Hiro that “Suzie Flapjacks” isn’t worth making history go “kablooey,” even though Hiro doesn’t believe him. Hiro stops time right before Sylar can kill Charlie – just before the commercial break. When we return, Hiro wheels Frozen Sylar out of the restaurant and into a Greyhound bus’s luggage compartment. But he puzzles over this whole “kablooey” thing that time travel fiction has always grappled with, as Samuel broods in a shadowy corner.

The solution? Be menacing and pretend to be Future Hiro to tell Past Hiro to... oh, my brain’s exploding. What is this, Lost? Suffice it to say, it works. But Samuel finds a flaw in the situation, speaks some Japanese, and sends Hiro to fix potentially-broken things with Ando before Hiro and Charlie go off on a world tour. But the super-memory kicks in and something is definitely wrong with Charlie (hint: it’s not the fact that she’s got a show on a rival network).

Unfrozen Trunk Sylar wakes up and menaces Hiro, but it turns out that Sylar is no match for Hiro’s chronal on/off switch. It’s absolutely hysterical watching these two face off in a superpowered version of Old West gunslinging. They reach a truce in which Sylar agrees to cure Charlie for a peek at the future. And hey, it worked! Hiro makes good on his deal and goes all fortune-cookie on Sylar, warning him about a bleak future that awaits him.

The plan, of course, backfires. Charlie is upset that Sylar is going to keep on killing, and she feels like her new life with Hiro is “cheating... and selfish.” Poor Hiro has his heart broken – if only he’d been watching Glee. He’d know this wasn’t meant to be after all; she’s in love with Will the glee coach, after all. Hiro turns to root beer and has an existential conversation with Noah at the diner. But at the last second, Charlie comes back to the diner looking for “our happy ending” – hooray!

But it’s not all kisses and origami cranes. Samuel abducts Charlie to get to Hiro but then admits that he sort of lied about the whole thing. Trapped in the carnival, Hiro flips out and learns that Arnold trapped Charlie in time just before he died. Samuel reveals that he’s going to blackmail Hiro into helping him erase his “Evil Butterfly Man” past. With that, Hiro goes over to the dark side to help Samuel erase his worst transgression – killing Mohinder (now we know why he wasn’t returning Matt’s calls).

Verdict? This episode was compared to “Company Man” before its airing, and I’m thinking this episode would have looked really awesome in black and white. Maybe that’s just the visual culture guy in me, but it would have been pretty striking. This was another good episode from the Heroes crew; the Noah plotline felt a little like a waste (although my bet is that we’ll see Lauren again), but the Hiro/Samuel interaction is gold. I cannot wait to see where this plotline goes, especially because we’re STILL not sure what side of the fence Samuel is on. And the hope for a happy ending, even if this is the last season, gets me all giggly inside.